mine and mine alone…

halo…

i myself am not sure why im posting a new entry now.. maybe because i feel like doing so.. its now 3.22am in auckland.. i am taking a break from my heavy revision on chemmat….SHIT!!! beribu2 benda nak kena baca dan igt… the exam is the day after tomorrow.. i hope i can do it… maybe not so well.. but just enuf to make me feel relieved and satisfied…passing the course is good enuf for me..

im bored right now… and as usual..times like this will always lead me to thinking about random stuffs in this life…and that’s just how i came to thinking about love….probably one of the most interesting things to some people….
honestly, its not my favorite thing… i just dont really care about it too much… it never bothered me actually to think about love… coz i think..u cant explained it with words… but u feel it… inevitably…everybody does feel it….
u may not realize it right away… but u know u are in love when u do stupid/silly/foolish things without any good or viable explanation for u to do so…..stupid things that u wud never imagine urself doing before u knew that certain someone…

sigh….
i know what i’ve been rambling above dont really make sense..its just that im not so good in expressing myself and my thoughts..
erm, i am talking about love between 2 people.. mostly between a guy and a girl (the heteros)..
not the kinda love between parents and children, friends or any other type of love..
BORING!!!

the general concept of love is accepting and sharing….there are many more other things that need to be considered…but im not interested in telling or mentioning them all in my blog now.. what i wanna talk about right now is the accepting part…
what do u do when u really love someone??

it first starts by u knowing someone.. it dont matter where u know him/her from…but as time passes by…u became close to him(to ease up my writing, i’ll just use ‘him’ instead of him/her)..
then suddenly, without u knowing it… u fall in love…
it is unexpected..unpredictable..and crazy… sometimes u fall in love with a very hideous and ugly guy…someone that u never imagine urself being together with…not the knight or prince in ur dream (u know how girls alway have that dream where a knight or a prince charming came and rescued her from the dragon tower thingy..him with a horse and her with a white dress)….
and the guy u fell in love with is just not cut for that prince role….
it realy is crazy…but thing like this happens…

once u’r in love..u just cant help the feeling…and sometimes the feeling’s so strong.. u do stupid things without realizing it..
or maybe u do realize but u just dont care if people around u think that u are crazy for doing or acting foolishly and oddly…and u do what u do just to get his attention…i sincerely do not know what can top that kind of stupidity….

it all dont matter anymore….what matters to u at that time is that he wud care for u.. he wud realize how much u love him.. how by loving him has made urself complete.. and that nothing else in the world matters to u except for ur love to him….

if u are like that… u are definitely angau…
hahahahaha….
that’s the word p ramlee used to describe the lovesick feeling… its as if all u can think of is him…or anything that has to do with him…. geez…what a sick feeling….

a sick feeling to some people..but wait till u feel it urself.. everybody will get to feel this ’sick’ feeling one day..eventually..
so jgn la nak judge2 org lain..

but the sedih part is….
sometimes the feeling isnt mutual… bak kata org melayu..bertepuk sebelah tangan… i hate this thing… this situation… expecially when the girl is loving the guy so hopelessly, but the guy just dont love her back the  way he is supposed to….
tapi aper leh buat….
love is not to be forced… dah org tu tak suker… jgn la nak gedik2 suka lagi…
my advice to the girl(or guy)…move on… find someone else who loves u… someone who deserves u….  it may take u ages to find the right guy… but if u believe strong enuf.. u will find him eventually….

erm…in another situation…the girl is crazily and madly in love with the guy… but this bullshit dont love her back… but he pretends to love her…just because he thinks he ought to or just for fun…  this is really a fucked up situation… basically, the girl is in love with a ghost… he does not love her.. he is a motherfucker…
mind my words.. i just realy hate this kinda guy…

erm, the same thing goes in the reverse situation,where the bitch is taking advantage of the guy’s sincerity, love etc…..
but selalunyer, the bullshit is a guy…
i happen to know a few guys who are like that… but since it isnt any of my bisnes… so i dont get involved… but i will never do that to anyone…. i wont pretend to love someone that i dont love… love is a big deal to me… and i know how much it will hurt the girl if i’m just playing around, giving her hopes and then crush her heart…that’s cruel and heartless….
let’s together we curse those blokes who do this… who memain2kan perasaan org lain…
let the devil say "see u in hell!!!"
huahuahua….
i only have one thing to say to the guy..be real in what u do.. mean what u say and act upon ur words.. if u do not like the girl, just tell her upfront..

"doing something that u’r passionate with is more meaningful than doing thousand of other things that u dont like doing"

mungkin phrase kat atas tu tak beraper kena dgn situasi ni.. tapi more or less, it tells the same idea la..
be a gentleman.. stop giving her fake hopes…and do the right thing…

dalam byk2 aku merepak kat atas tu, takder pon lagi part pasal accepting2 ni..
erm…what im trying to say… u accept the person u love for who he is..not the guy u’r tying to make him be…and not the guy that u hope he’ll become…..
just him the way he is….
if u can do that, then nothing can change ur utmost  love to him..
i believe that’s what makes a good relationship..tak kesahla in marriage or domestic partnership or just couples or whatever..

erm…actually, there are other things that i wish to write here, but since i am realy tired and worn out….due to my massive chemmat reading and memorizing activity since the evening…
i think im gonna stop here…
sampei disini sajo la kamu orang sumer… semuga berjompa laie di masa akan datang…

ps : aku sungguh jiwang atas disebabkan terlalu byk tgk citer grey’s anatomy…
get way from it ..its contagious!!!
huahauhua!!!!

assalamualaikum..
cewah.. start2 blog dah pandai bagi salam dah aku ni..
erm.. aku rindu gila nak tulis blog sebenanyer.. last post aku pon bulan lepas.. tu pon before posa..
sepanjang bulan posa aku tak nulih langsung.. hehehe.. i’ve been awfully bz lately..
tu pasal la cam takder masa nak tulis anything here..

erm.. harini 1 syawal.. huahuahua.. raya wei..
TAPI..
this is the lamest raya i’ve ever had.. kenapa the lamest??
pasal aku tgh sakit sekarang ni ha..
demam, pening.. selsema..sakit tekak.. hidung aku tersumbat jer 24jam.. nak bernapas pon susah.. waaa!!! terseksa tol rasanyer.. pagi tadi tak pegi semayang raya pon pasal demam.. lagipon aku tak dapat naik bus $2 tu macam bebudak lain..
aku, solihin, menn ngn meor kena naik bus stagecoach lak..
pasal kitorang bagi nama lambat kat odie..
pastu odie cakap dak2 yg kena naik stagecoach kena jalan about 1km before sampai tempat semayang tu.. and since i wasnt feeling well..i had an excuse to escape semayang raya..
huhuhu.. i’m not actually happy or glad that i didnt go semayang raya.. i wanted to, but i just couldnt bear the discomfortness..(i was thinking to say ‘pain’ tapi aku tak sakit pon..just tak selesa)..
i’m not happy, nor do i feel regret neither for missing semayang raya.. huhu.. maybe pasal i’m just not the kind of guy yg takes this raya thingy very seriously..

erm.. there’s another thing that i wanna mention here..
earlier today, at around 1 - 2 pm.. i made my mom cry.. but i’m not sure if it was my fault..
i called home to wish raya to everybody today.. my sore throat made it obvious to my mom that i was feeling sick.. she asked and i told her la yg aku sakit.. sakit tekak sumer..
and at that time i was having a slight asma attack, breathing difficulty.. and when i’m at that state.. i made a wheezing sound from my leher or somewhere.. then my mak nangis .. dier sedih kot pasal i’m so jauh from her.. she’s in kl..and i’m here(auckland).. pastu anak dier sakit sengsorang jer dier tak dapat nak tolong or jaga..hehehe.. the truth is.. i dont mind being alone.. and it’s kind of embarassing lak kalau nak ada org jaga ni.. hehe.. i didnt want her to cry, so i laughed.. i said i was ok and she need not to worry abt me.. and that im 20yo now.. i can take care of myself..hehe.. that was me acting tough and mature.. hohoho..
maybe i shudntve told her that i was sick..(i still am actually)

then just a couple of hours ago, she called me to check on my condition.. i was in acap’s room watching zombie kampung pisang on astro ria(hottv.tripod.com)..
bodoh gila citer tue.. tapi kitorang tgk jer ar sampai habes pasal nak tau ending citer tuh.. AC mizal lawak gila.. huahuahua!!!

okla, aku nak citer pasal sambutan raya aku tadi.. dan jugak pasal my ramadhan..huhuhu.. but i suppose there isnt anything much on that..
tak kesah la..

i went to sleep quite late lastnite, eid’s eve.. pasal main game pokemon (gilakan aku?? org lain tgh sebok2 masak, aku main pokemon)..
huahuahau..(tetiba aku rasa cam nak citer pasal pokemon lak)….
macam budak2 jer aku ni..

pasal tido lambat, aku mmg susah nak bangun pagi tadi.. afiq rumetku kejut aku pokol 630 semayang subuh.. my head felt heavy and i was feeling dizzy like hell..habes jer semayang terus aku boom balik la..baru jer aku nak melayang ke alam mimpi semula, solihin called my room asking about the stagecoach bus thingy that we were supposed to go together.. i felt so tired and heavy at that time.. u cud give me anything in the world, but i wud never trade my sleep for whatever u have to offer..*poyonyer aku!!!
dalam pale aku nak tido jer time tu..

aku tido agak lama gak la.. i woke up when afiq came to me all ready and done, asking whether or not i was going to the sambutan hari raya at engineering cafe..
aku dah la lapar time tu.. no way i’m missing all the food and also, photo-taking sessions yg sungguh meriah.. tapi pasal aku sakit kan, aku pon takder la aktif sangat tadi.. sikit jer gambar aku.. pastu muka aku sungguh sloppy and dorky.. tapi takper la.. asalkan ada gambar..

balik dari makan2 tu, lepak bilik sat.. tgk code projek C dino.. then aku boom balik.. huahuahua.. time tu aku pening gila dah.. aku membuta sampai kol 830mlm..terjaga baca msg acap, dia tanyer nak masak rendang ke tak..
then aku pon pegi masak..makan, lepak bilik acap sampai baru tadi aku balik bilik..
malam ni konfem aku tak tido pasal aku dah tido lama tadi..
pasal tu la aku tulis blog, merepek2 dalam ni sekarang.. huhuhu..

ok2, sekarang nak citer pasal bulan posa lak..
posa mmg takder banyak beza.. pasal sekarang spring..so time bebuka ngn sahur pon lebih kurang cam kat malaysia jer.. but i am insanely missing all the food time ramadhan.. ayam percik.. murtabak.. air soya.. ayam golek.. kuih  muih..
waaaa!!!! then  it hit me.. i will have to wait for another 3 years to eat all the fan-freakin-tastic food yg aku cakap tadi.. waa…. meleleh da amilase aku teringat makanan2 tu..

pastu tarawih lak.. kat sini haritu memula teraweh kat bilik odie.. surau 032.. then pindah kat bilik samem..surau 040… time ni aku jarang datang teraweh.. aku pon taktau naper.. simply malas kot.. huahuahua..
then kat bilik daino..surau 029..
selain tu aku penah gak buka posa n taraweh kat surau uni.. kat mt street taknah teraweh lak pasal dak2 ni cakap derang baca surah pjg.. huahuahua.. aku mmg pemalas.. makan kat mt street tu salu la..
"can i have some more rice brother"
hahaha…
that’s how we mintak nasi lebih from the arabs there..

erm, overall nyer.. this is absolutely an experience for me.. to celebrate ramadhan and raya overseas.. not having my family around to salam2, mintak2 maap, duit raya (from my parents and kakak2 only.. aku ni dah tua, dah gahai, mana ada org nak kasi duit raya lagi… damn!!)..
then gi kubur, gi umah makcik2.. and also all the kuih raya of my favourites.. like tat nanas, bahulu, kuih kapit, cornflake madu, kuih bangkit, and kerepek2 ubi or pisang.. huhuhuhu.. (aku ni asek igt makanan je kan??)..
kat sini pon ada kuih2 raya gak dak2 ni buat.. cumer just not as good as the ones yg kat malaysia la..
tapi ok jer sbnanyer..
sajer aku nak poyo2 sedih.. huahuahua..

erm, ada lagi satu nak include..
time posa aritu aku ada gak amek gambar nak anta salam perantauan.. aku, acap, odi ngn matyer.. we went to albert park to amek gambar with the flowers and green grass.. so poyo.. cos we wanted the photos to look overseas.. not some shady small place like kampong pandan or whatever.. *opsssss!!!!

tak silap aku odie ke acap yg anta gambar kitorang tu ke berita harian / utusan..
tapi tak kuar pon.. penat jer si acap tu check setiap hari.. huahuahua..
yg aku tau dak2 auckland yg masuk paper aritu aten, kakak chep n the gang, ngan ayu.. tu jer ar yg aku tau.. ada lagi kot.. aku jer yg taktau..pasal aku ni takder ar gila glamour(GG) macam dak2 ni kan.. nak check setiap hari lak kat utusan tu..(ada org terasa ke?? huhuhu)..

erm, sampe disini sajelah entry aku untuk kali ini.. aku igt nak sambung main pokemon la.. huahuahua!!!

ps : kepada dak2 auckland yg baca blog aku ni..dan korang mempunyai bekalan kuih raya yg sedap2.. jemput2 la aku datang ke rumah yer..huahuahua..