mine and mine alone…

erm..
there’s a strong feeling inside me yg menyuroh aku menulis blog.. aku ni mmg seorang yg tak beraper pandai nak mengekspresskan pendapat atau aper yg aku cuber rasakan..
tu pasal la aper yg aku tulis ni kadang2 memeningkan dan susah untuk difahami.. tapi takper la..
atleast aku dah cuber untuk berkongsi dgn org lain.. for those of u who understand.. thats good la.. for those who dont, well, dont bother..
bukan masuk exam pon…

waaa… apa saja la yg aku merepek malam2 buta kat blog aku ni..
erm, kebelakangan ni aku salu memikirkan pasal perkara yg lebih berunsurkan  kematangan..
as in things that i consider to be important…
things that will give a great deal of impact in our lives sooner or later.. like last time i wrote about the love thingy..
but i reckon i cudve done something better… a lil bit more but i was just penat kot masa aku tulis tu.. i think la..
but what the heck.. its not really a big deal if my blog sucks or what i write are mostly gibberish.. i dont care…

to be honest, i write journal or blog as to help me clear my mind… to release tension…and to take a break from my studies etc….
it can also be regarded as my method to share what i feel… sesungguhnya hidupku ini kurasakan sungguh byk tekanan yg melanda…
hahahahaha…. aku suker jer cakap tentang sesuatu as if my life ni susah sangat..
takder la susah pon.. its just that aku jer yg suker fikir something too deep that it seems like it is so complicated and that there is so much that i need to know…
tu la masalahnyer bila anda terlalu curious dan terlalu sgt memikirkan tentang sesuatu….

waa….. aku baca balik aper yg aku tulis kat atas… some people may not understand it.. but i dont care… that is the best way i know to sampaikan what i wanna say…

walaupon rasanyer macam aper yg aku tulis kat atas tu macam banyak mengarut jer…. ahhhhhh… lantak la….

plan asal aku menulis blog pada malam ni pasal nak share something la kat sini… its about something i’ve been thinking so frequently this couple of days..
i’m gonna try to write about this thing as good and clear as posible.. supaya those yg baca tu takder la pening nak faham ayat aku yg kadang2 ada iras2 odie si kelly itu….opsss!!!!
hahahahaha…….sory odie… happy diwali and goodlak for your ‘kesibukan antarabangsa’ (international business)… gudlak for dak2 bisnes yg lain gak..

baru2 ni aku asyik fikir pasal hidup… kehidupan or shud i say..the way people live their lives…
aku pon taktau naper tetiba aku berfikir pasal perkara ni.. mungkin its one of God’s way to make me feel bersyukur kot..
grateful for what i have now..and for what i’ll be having in the future..(optimistik sungguh daku)

maksud aku bila aku cakap pasal hidup tu ialah cara seseorang itu menjalani kehidupan dia..
like me.. most of my time i spend on my study… maksudnya…pada usia 20tahun ni..i’m still studying…baru 1st year lak tu… and i will only finish my degree when i am 24…dah tua tu aku rasa…
cuber compare dgn org2 lain yg cara hidup dier berbeza dgn aku…
dekat umah aku tu… melambak mat2 rempit… yg sama umor ngn aku… most of them dah tak blaja lagi da.. their perceptions on things mesti berlainan dgn aper yg aku fikirkan… kami memiliki perspektif yg berbeza.. tak kesah la ttg aper2 pon.. tapi maybe ada gak yg sama kot…
aku cuber bayangkan what if i were one of them.. kuar lepak memalam.. pastu merempit tgh2 malam buat stunt macam2.. pastu main bohsia sumer.. aku cakap ni aper yg aku nampak dalam tv la.. bukan aku tau sgt pon.. benda2 yg derang buat tu sungguh tak menarik bagi aku.. aku macam tak berminat langsung untuk mencuba benda2 tu.. bagi aku, tu sumer macam bodoh dan takder tujuan.. what a waste of youth sungguh.. im not saying i’m any better than them.. cuma aku rasa.. they cudve done a lot of other useful things daripada melepak cam bodoh jer.. pastu tak pasal2 mati katak..

pastu aku teringat kat sorang member aku ni..
dier penah citer kat aku yg ader sorang member dier(a friend of my friend).. yg merupakan seorang mat rempit, dia mati eksiden.. when i heard about his fren tu.. i felt sad.. and kesian.. simpati… budak tu sama umo ngn aku la.. and now he’s dead.. i imagined what kind of life that he went thru before he died..and how many things in this life that he hadnt had chance to try .. all kind of food that he didnt get to taste.. all the cool places yg dier tak dapat pegi.. all other cool things in this life yg dier tak dapat nak try.. like bungy jumping ker.. sky diving ker(mahal dow nzd500)…

mati muda..dan mati katak… that is soooo…… i dont know how to say it…. kesian la kot… so rugi….
the same thing i felt one day when i saw a man, teenager maybe, a motocyclist i athink, lying dead on the road… aku chuak gak ar tgk mayat tu.. but at the same time aku rasa macam kesian.. dan rugi… and then i felt scared.. things like that can happen to anyone.. what if i were to be next.. what if one day, i’d die like that.. mati katak.. mati bodoh macam tu.. i dont want that… HELL i dont want to mati katak…

that brings me to this one story that happened to me… 2 stories actually.. tetiba aku teringat cerita lagi satu… eh…3 cerita sebenanyer…(aku mmg keling!!!)…
lantak la..
biar aku citer…
1st one… it happened just now.. about 3 hours ago.. i was walking with acap and matyer to foodtown..pastu kat depan vector arena tu ada tiang2 pendek yg tersusun tu.. i was wearing my red selipar jamban.. and as its name suggests..selipar tu sungguh la licin.. pastu aku berkelakuan bodoh dan gila.. aku cuba lompat from one tiang to the next..
lompat dah ok dah.. tapi time nak landing ke tiang yg seterusnya.. i slipped.. then jatuh… lucky aku dapat control badan aku.. kalau tak, my back wud hit the tiang.. and i cud be severely injured pasal backbone aku yg akan langgar tiang tu… acap said dier nyer bulu roma dah bediri dah tgk aku jatuh… hahahaha…. naseb baik sungguh aku… i cudve died,, or worse cacat/lumpoh ker… tak ke menyusahkan mak bapak aku jer nnt… thank God for letting me live!!!!

ok, ni citer aku second lak… it happend when i was nine.. time ni kat kampung.. umah nenek aku kat k pilah tu macam kat atas bukit.. pastu ada gaung la kat tepi tu..time tu aku sajer ngade2 nak try bawak moto pak uda aku.. time tu aku kekok dan tak reti bawak moto.. tapi suker2 try kan.. dah ar takder org besar temankan.. pastu time kat tepi rumah tu, juga tepi gaung.. aku press minyak terlebih kuat… then the bike sped up instantaniously.. menyebabkan aku tak dapat control the bike..dan aku jatuh gaung.. tapi takder ar tinggi pon gaung tu… dalam 2 meter deep jer.. tapi still the experience was terrifying…
had the bike fell on me i wudve been dead.. tu pon mmg nasib aku baik dan bukan ajal aku kot…

pastu citer aku no 3 lak.. time ni aku darjah 4.. kat kampung gak.. aku ikut bapak aku, dengan pak usu aku gi dusun.. nak amek petai ker aper tah.. aku ikut jer ar pasal abg aku and sepupu2 lain ikut sama.. masa tu naik lori.. lori pak usu aku la..
budak2 dok kat belakang.. time tu gak musim rambutan kat kampong… pastu kat jalan yg kitorang lalu tu byk la pokok2 rambutan ug melambai2 ke luar.. buah sumer merah2 memang menggoda sesiapa saja yg melihat…
aku pon excited la nak ngambik buah2 tu.. then at one instant, i jumped to get the buah.. then, as the lori was moving, and i was still in the air.. it hit my kaki then i fell on the ground head first.. i swear i fell with my head on the paved road.. i shudve died.. klu bukan pasal pecah kepala, tengkuk aku boleh patah dah time tu.. tapi pasal ajal belum sampai.. i am still here.. writing this very word for u to read..
ok2, sambung citer… aku dah jatuh tu.. abg aku leh tgk jer dari lori tu tanpa mengambil sebarang tindakan, maybe he was terrified gak kot.. sampai kat tempat petai tu baru my dad found out..
aku dah jatuh tu.. i kept on walking la ke tempat petai ti, then i saw the lori came back… honestly i thot my dad wud be worried ke aper.. but instead, dier gi belasah aku lagi.. cakap aku gila pasal lompat for that rambutan..
hahahaha…. thats just how my dad deals with his kids… sikit2 nak pokol….i shud say thats how he dealt with his kids..pasal sekarang dier dah sakit..takleh nak pokol2 kitorang lagi.. lagipon sekarang dah besar kot… mana larat dier nak pokol lagi… huahuahua…
if i were to becerita about how my dad ajar anak2 dier.. it wud take me days kot..
and im not planning to write about it now pon…
i know some of u guys might think that its not appropriate for me to talk about my dad…coz its as if im bad-mouthing him…
i dont look at it like that pasal what he did is one of the things that has made me me.. and im thankful for everything he’s done to me… maybe some day i will write about my dad and me(my siblings too)..

erm… byk2 aku tulis ni aku citer pasal pengalaman aku yg hampir bertemu maut jer.. lantakla.. aku tulis ni tanpa ada guide pon.. so aper yg terlintas kat kepala aku, aku tulis jer…

ok2, there’s one more thing that i’d like to share here..
aritu aku ada terfikir..what if i am someone from the eastcoast.. like kelantan or tganu…
pastu family aku is one of the nelayan family there.. then aku rasa by the time i finsish schooling, mesti aku dah kawen dah kan… hahahaha…. aku pon taktau naper aku fikir macam tu… kalau nelayan jer mesti kawen cepat… tapi zaman sekarang ni mana nak jumper nelayan umo macam aku ni… sumer pon mesti belajar lagi…
kalau tak overseas pon, at local uni la.. kalau ada la yg jadi nelayan, nak jer aku jumper dier dan bertanya pasal kehidupan dier… nak berkongsi pengalaman sumer.. aku macam berminat gak nak tahu how he lives his life.. what are the things that make him happy..and what is his main goal in this life… aper yg dier nak sgt dalam hidup ni.. aper benda yg dier impi2kan…
i bet it wud be different from me… erm, kalau aku… aku pon tak sure aper yg aku nak dalam idop ni… tapi one thing yg came across my mind bila ditanya soalan macam ni ialah aku nak jadi kaya…
hahahahaha… MONEY MATTERS dude!!!

nak jadi kaya, then buka bisnes sndiri ker.. tolong mak bapak aku kasi derang idop senang sumer.. setakat ni, tu la yg aku leh cakap…
bukannya aku ni duniawi sgt asyik fikir pasal dunia jer… im just being honest… itu yg aku fikirkan bila aku ditanya soalan macam tu… tapi aku tau la sebagai org islam, kita dihantar ke bumi sebagai hamba untuk beribadat kepada Allah.. sebagai khalifah untuk mentadbir alam… i know that… tapi tu jawapan kalau nak jawab soalan pendidikan islam SPM…
tapi kalau sejujurnya, aku tak rasa itu yg aku inginkan… erm… maybe belom sampai hidayah kot… maybe one day dgn rahmat tuhan, aku akan berubah dan mungkin at that time aku akan mempunyai pandangan yg berbeza tentang kehidupan… dan hopefully it is more meaningful than jadi kaya etc…

erm… dah panjang gak aku tulis ni… tapi aku rasa mcm nak tambah jer lagi ni..
tadi macam ada idea nak tulis aper… erm, sementara menunggu idea tu datang.. aku nak citer sikit ni… harini dah masuk jumaat dah.. isnin ni aku nyer flight nak balik malaysia.. huahuahua… tak sabar gilo aku nak balek malaysia.. aku rindui ibuku yg tersayang.. bapakku yg garang.. kakak2ku.. abangku.. dan anak2 buahku yg sungguh cumil dan manja.. ku rindui mereka semua.. they are the people that i love the most dalam dunia ni.. hahaha… tetiba nak beremosi plak tgh2 malam buta ni..
byk gak barang2 aku ader beli untuk derang ni.. harap2 derang suker la… kalau tak suker, simpan jer la.. atleast nnt bila dah tua.. tgk benda tu.. teringat gak aku yg bagi benda tu..

erm.. sok aku nak gi ker pejabat zuji untuk ambil voucher hotel untuk kitorang nyer penginapan kat brunei pada 25 februari nnt..
time nak balek ke auckland balek nnt.. kitorang akan depart from kl 25 feb.. then sampai brunei dulu.. tido semalam kat brunei.. tu pasal we need the hotel voucher.. then on th 26th baru balik auckland.. arrive on the 27th.. kira perjalanan aku nnt amek masa 2 hari.. ceh!! menyusahkan jugak.. tapi takper ar.. dapat gak merasa tido kat brunei semalam.. hahahaha…
sok aku gi ofis zuji tu dgn cik mili yg suker pokol org dgn katun dier tu..

ok2, ni lagi nak citer..(lantak la korang bosan ngn citer aku)..
this time it is about being young and making mistakes in life.. i have always heard people say.. sementara kita muda ni, ni la time kita nak enjoy life sepenuhnya..
then aku fikir.. what does it mean to enjoy ur life sepenuhnya??

as we all know.. ramai tol org muda yg buat benda2 gila.. amek dadah, premarital sex la.. and also get invloved in all sorts of crime..

is that how u want to live ur youth?? buat keje2 yg takder pekdah camtu…
erm, aku pon taktau camner nak cakap…
time sekolah dulu salu jer tulis karangan on how to curb all these problems.. tapi time tu, i never really gave it a thot.. pasal what mattered to me at that time was to get the essay done.. tapi now, it got me thinking… things like this shud end.. but obviously, what is being done is not good enuf..
benda2 ni are still happening and its not getting any better… pening gak kepaler ni dibuatnyer kalau difikir2kan..
i know i shud not bother about this too much..and its not my job pun..

tapi still, there’s something inside me..like a conscience or something that says i shud care about this thing…
maybe pasal i care about my race, my people, my religion…. (cewah ayat aku kemain….)
tapi betol la, dah aku mmg jenis yg banyak fikir, nak buat camner plak…

erm, takper la..  i am no expert in this thing.. i’ll leave it to those pemimpin2 yg dikatakan berkemampuan to make a change in this country.. sama2 la kita tgk ok..
its just that, i just wanna express my keprihatinan(aper ek dalam english??) tentang masalah ni..

okla, byk dah aku tulis.. kang kena kutok lak… panjang2 sangat kang boring org lain nak baca.. aku yg tulis ni pon dah penat menulis.. hahaha….
okla yer… saya nak tido ni.. selamat menjalani kehidupan anda…dan semoga u all get what u desire the most in ur life..
tata……………………………..