mine and mine alone…

tajuk blog aku kali ni mmg macam sengal sikit..
aku takder sebab yg spesifik kenapa tapi tetiba aku rasa mcm nak berkongsi a few things about this thing..

i dont exactly know how to start it.. or whether or not i shud write about this thing..tapi tak kesah la.. im just gonna give it a try..

kita sumer sedia maklum,
sebagai lelaki, we can marry more than one.. (ikut islam la.. agama lain takleh kot..)
and aku yakin some of u must have heard so many justifications regarding this particular hukum syarak..
kenapa lelaki diberi quota 4 sedangkan pompuan leh kawin satu jer??

aku dah dgr macam2 pendapat gak la..
tapi kat sini aku taknak tulis apa yg aku dgr tapi aku nak tulis apa yg aku fikir dan apa yg aku setuju ttg previlage yg dberi kepada kaum adam ni…

1st thing that came to me ialah….
pasal jantan ni mmg kuat nafsu… bukan boleh puas kalau dgn sorang je pasangan…
korang sumer jgn nak poyo2 la cakap korang leh puas ngn sorang bini jer..
come on la.. who are u kidding??

well, bagi sesetengan jantan yg muka azab n perot boroi tayar spare tu takyah la nak berangan nak berpoligami… klu dapat bini sorang tu pon cukup2 la bersyukur hendaknya….

some guys who are bestowed with good looks.. it just cannot be helped if they have people eying them wherever they go..
da kalau jantan tu cando macam angkasawan negara tu… sumorang pon leh jatuh cinta instantly dgn dia…(kenapa agaknyer mamat tu tak kawen lagi ek??)
pendek kata.. lelaki2 cando ni mmg jantan2 terhangat pasaran la..

dan dah memang lumrah lelaki.. bila ada jer yg suka.. dier pon melayan… dan tanpa disedari.. da ramai yg da jatuh cinta kat mamat cando tu tadi..
the feelings of human beings is a tough thing to handle or control..
though how weird it may sound.. male can love more than one..
pompuan lain sikit.. dier setia pada suami dier yg tercinta..
aku rasa ramai yg bersetuju dgn aku tentang ni….

ok2, berbalik kepada citer mamat cando tadi..
sekarang ni, TANPA DIRANCANG, dier da ada ramai awek.. dan dier suker sumer awek2 dier tu…
tapi kadang2 susah jugak bagi dier untuk berlaku adil terhadap2 awek2 dier tu…
tapi he is trying hard.. he loves all of them and doesnt want to lose any of them…

tapi… at the same time… he keeps looking for new aweks… he meets up with new people and make new relationships with diff ppl..
padahal awek dier da byk da…
is he being unfair now???
we all agreed that its in the nature of a male to love more than just one person…
so basically.. what he’s doing is perfectly normal and tally with his nature yg mmg nafsu kuat tu.. hahahahha…

i may be wrong in what i just said but this is just me saying what i think and what i believe is right..
any argument made needs to be justified.. and thats what i just did..
lelaki berpoligami pasal da mmg nature dier macam tu…
sama la kenapa perempuan suka pegi shopping berjam2 lamanyer.. pasal da mmg sifat derang mcm 2..

dan aku rasa apa yg aku cakap tu merupakan sebab tersirat kenapa lelaki boleh kawen 4… islam tu mmg bagus.. agama yg memahami kehendak lelaki… huahuahua….
as for me.. i am one of those yg muka azab.. so mmg takder chance la aku nak berpoligami2 ni… hahahaha… tapi kalau ada yg offer, aku sapu jer… hahahahha…. i am so into poligami ni…
BARU PUAS!!! *muka penuh nafsu…

okla… i need to start packing my stuffs now.. im flying back to auckland in less than 40 hours…
tak sangka cuti 4 bulan aku da hampir berakhir da.. pasni da kena gi kelas balek…
argh!!! kena wat matlab!!!
saitan!!!!
tapi nak wat camner kan… thats my responsibility…

tapi above all… i am utterly happy and grateful for everything that has happened to me sepanjang cuti ni…
all the people that i have met.. relationships built.. and promises made..
it all means so much to me…
i hope the future offers me so much more… and i am anticipating…
till then.. chiow!!!

halooo..

kali ni aku nak terus jer bercerita ttg apa yg nak aku share kat sini..
ada 2 benda yg aku nak citer..

1st..
semalam aku telah bermimpi..
and in that dream, i had received something.. something i have always wanted in my life..
my covetousness over that particular thing started since i was in kms.. and for years i had tried my best to hide/supress my desire towards that particular thing..
so in my dream last nite.. that thing actually came to me and i was beyond happy..
(lets just say the thing includes me cuddling and kissing a certain someone..*blushing)

only Lord knows how i felt in that dream.. cuba bayangkan, aku da lama kepingin nak memiliki benda tu.. tup2.. dier datang kat aku..
i remember slapping my face a few times in that dream, and also pinching my paha(thigh ek??) to make sure i wasnt in a dream.. and i didnt feel the pain..
i thot i knew that i was dreaming.. but at the same time, i just didnt wanna let the thing go..
and that thing, the situation in the dream didnt feel like a dream at all..it was all so real..
(apa la yg aku merepek ni..)

so aku pon enjoyed the dream.. mmg puas semalam.. mimpi paling indah setakat ini dalam hidop aku..(i reckon..)
penantian selama beberapa tahun.. and last nite.. i got to feel the nikmat of having the thing with me..

but..
it was just a dream.. the moment i woke up.. i actually cried.. punya la sedihnyer aku time tu..aku igt betul2 la aku da dapat benda tu.. kecewa sungguh!!
air mata welled my eyes..
sedih tak terkata when i found out everything that made me happy a few hours ago was just a dream..
tapi pe2 pon, aku tetap bersyukur that i was given the opportunity to feel how its like to have that thing w me.. walaupon kejap..
and the feeling is freakin awesome..
i hope one day the dream will come true.. eventho it is highly unlikely.. haha..

ok2.. lets move on to my next story..
this shit happened on the 5th of feb.. i know it took me long to actually have the courage to share it with everybody.. but then i thot.. what the hack rite.. it is all in the past and we shud just learn from my silly mistakes..

it started that nite when i decided to withdraw some money from my nz bank account..
i have 2 wallets.. one wallet is used to keep all nz cards and other documents.. satu lagi untuk barang2 yg kat malaysia..
my ic, license sumer kat wallet malaysia..
my nz bank atm card pulak kat dalam wallet nz la..
malam tu i only took w me the nz wallet pasal mmg niat nak gi bank kuarkan duit jer..

after completing the transaction at the bank, my fren called me asking me to come to his house that nite.. i was bored and the car was with me.. so i thot.. why not..

so aku pon drive la confidently to his house w/out my ic nor my license..
that is the stupidest thing on earth one could do.. and i did it..
of course i didnt expect that i would be stopped by the ploce ke apa..
but shit happens rite..

aku sampai jer kat lorong umah budak tu..
lebih kurang 100m from his house, i saw 2 police cars.. it didnt realy bother me at first.. i stopped the car and thot that the abg polis wud just let me go..
tapi the he asked for my ic n license..
that time.. an urge of adrenaline rushed into my veins.. i freaked out..
the moment i realized i only brought my nz wallet w me.. i freaked out..
i didnt even check the content in the nz wallet..

the abg polis asked me to step out of the car..
then he started talking about the possible consequences of what ive done.. not having my ic nor license w me while driving..

he talked about me going to lock up for a freaking 14days.. and that i’d have to go to court to settle.. a rm3000 compund.. and a few of other craps..
im sure u cudve guessed how i felt that time..
my head was filled w so many awful things..

things like..
"what if my bapak knows.. im so a dead meat.."
"14days in lock up?? then im an ex convict.. what about my clean record all this while??"
"my flight bact to auckland is in 20 days.. how am i gonna go to court etc etc??"
"rm3k compound?? where do i find the money??"

filled with those questions and worries.. i didnt know what to think.. or what to do..
my mouth was busy cursing my self for being so foolish and bodoh.. worse than a moron..

tetiba.. out of no where.. suddenly the abg police said..
"ada cara lain nak settle ni"..

the moment he finished that very sentence.. i felt relieved gila babi..
i knew what he meant..
and of course i didnt think twice to give him money. as long as he let me go..
gave him rm100.. dier cakap polis2 lain pon ada kat situ.. and they had to share..
i didnt care at that time.. all i wanted was to go away from that place and go home..

i know its a sin that i bribed the abg polis..
well.. i aint a saint here.. i do bad stuffs and i admit them.. but im not proud of what i did..
its just a lesson learnt for all of us…

but wait.. i still havent told the stupidest part yet.. the bangangest of all..
remember i said that i didnt check the content of the nz wallet b4 stepping out of the car..
it happend that.. i did bring my licence w me that nite..
a genuine act of BODOHness!!
sumpah aku tak igt langsung masukkan lesen aku dalam wallet nz tu..
i only realized that bila ak kat warung tgh minum ngn kawan aku tu..
bangsat!!!
kenapa aku bangang nak mampos!!
i shudve just checked the freakin wallet before freakin out!!!
sigh!!
like i said..

shit happens sometimes..
even the smartest people screw up sometimes..
ni kan pulak aku yg tak seberapa ni..

huhu..
tu jer la kisah yg aku nak sampaikan..
gelak la korang puas2 pasal kebangangan aku..
kutuk la puas2..
lalalalalalalalallaalallala….

okla.. aku nak tgk utube.. kerana cintaku saerah!!!
later~~

helo all..

rite now i am hating myself.. i am hating myself for a lot of things that i have done.. bad things..
for starter, its been ages since i last blogged.. and i feel bad about it.. ni sumer pasal kemalasan yg melanda diri.. dan juga disebabkan beberapa perkara yg telah mmbuatkan aku hilang minat untuk memblog..
tapi i think im over all that.. i do have the minat to write back.. and here i am..

selain tu.. i hate myself for i am a bad son.. i am a bad child.. i dont know how to say it.. i have been selfish.. and i did quite a number of things to disapoint my parents.. i tried to denied and gave excuses to justify everything i did.. but then i realized that i have been a bad son.. a bad person..
no matter how many times i say it, the fact remains that i have been a bad person..

argh!!
i know i shud elaborate and explain why i say that i am a bad son.. i will try.. here it goes..

i disobeyed my parents.. i did things they forbade me from doing..
this summer break.. i have gone to so many places.. i went to kelantan, then to cameron hiland, and ipoh..
ikut perancangan, aku nak pegi bandung la, bali la.. dan macam2 lagi..
tapi pasal aku consider abt my parents la aku tak gi ke indon tu..
burn jer tiket flight..
time nak gi kelantan bapak aku tak kasi sbnanyer.. aku taktau la naper dier sungguh mengongkong.. tak kasi aku pegi.. but i did go anyway..
thats the first..
then pegi cameron.. dier tak kasi gak, tapi i did go jugak..
pastu ipoh lak..
at first i didnt want to go pon.. but theres a certain someone yg insist me of going.. i just cudnt say no..
i am not blaming anyone.. pasal i know if theres anyone to be blamed, it is me pasal i was the one who made de decision to go..

aku pegi ipoh tu aku tak gtau pon bapak aku..
my parents went balik kg haritu and left me with my abg at home.. then i decided to pegi ipoh on saturday.. igt nak balek la ahad 10 hb tu..
tapi i didnt take into account that its CNY now.. sumer tiket bas habes.. pegi lak bandar cina (ipoh = guangzhou).. konfem la sumer cina2 tu nak balek kl pasal cuti da habes.. so silly of me to have not considerd the CNY thingy..
so disebabkan itu, aku terpaksa la bermalam lagi semalam di ipoh..

memula igt nak stay kat umah si daina daino tu..
at first he said ok.. then a few hours later he smsed me saying that he had to balek penang pasal kenduri arwah pakcik dier bla3..
duh!! things just got worse..
then on sunday, i went to jusco ipoh to tgk wayang.. time nak balek tu, boleh lak keter rosak.. duh!!
i was like.."God.. u realy are pushing me!!"

dah la time gi cameron aritu, masa nak balek kl kete rosak gak..
stranded kat tgh2 hi way.. duh!!!
bukit beruntung is so DAMNED!!

tapi nak wat camner kan.. shit happens sometimes.. takleh la kita nak sumer benda jadi spt yg kita nak..
i just tried to relax and calm down.. thinking that things cud get worse and that i shud be grateful it was only that bad..
that was me trying to be positive.. hahaha..
any hoot, evrthing was fine later then..

i think im done talking about benda2 yg menyakitkan hati dan merisaukan aku..
the thing with my dad.. im just gonna leave it as it is.. aku taknak la cuba padamkan api dgn minyak tanah.. hahaha..
aku akan buat cam beser jer.. i hope he’ll be fine esok ke lusa..
tapi aku agak kecewa la jugak pasal aku tak dapat nak join nizam dll pegi a famosa rabu ni..
i really wanna go..
but i just dont wanna make the situation w my bapak even worse and more tense..
im just gonna stay at home and be a good boy for once.. hehe..
hope they all have a good time kat a famosa tu nnt..

my back is hurting me rite now pasal dari tadi asek dok membongkok jer menaip ni..
haha..
and suddenly da rasa cam penat n agak malas untuk menyambung blog ni..
haha..
okla.. kalau ada pe2 lagi yg nak di coretkan, aku tulis la lagi lain kali..
sampai di sini saja..
later~~~~~~