mine and mine alone…

salam..

i was wondering..

when faced with a choice, which is a harder part? making the choice or living with the choice that u have made and bearing all other consequences that come with it..??

there’s just this one thing that i want to tell here.. but i’m kinda scared.. and reluctant maybe.. one of the reasons is that my blog is also read by my kakaks now.. i surely dont want them to know about this particular thing.. i only tell those close to me.. including my chentahati..*wink*

what boggles my mind is.. why shud i have this conscience within me that makes me feel guilty?? i couldve just chilled and act like everything was cool and that ive got nothing to worry abt.. but thats not the case here..

because of my decision that i reckon is of ‘not so good’ type.. i am now feeling guilty like hell.. a part of me is saying that i’ve made a bad choice.. and that i will be sorry in the later days.. hmm.. that might be true.. but.. prior to decision making.. i made sure that i’ve weighed out everything.. all the details of my action and what the possible consequences will be.. and based on that.. i know i shud not feel guilty anymore..

the guilt is probably due to me being the only one who chose differently from my other peers.. and that dont feel really nice i tell ya..

haaaiiiihhh.. i dont wanna think about it.. its in the past now.. whatever it is thats gonna come to me because of the ‘poor’ decision i made.. i ma just deal with it with absolute nonchalance..

hmm.. i wanna talk about something else pulak..

today, friday Oct 24 2008 marks the last day of school for Uni of Auckland for this semester.. what a tiring semester it has been.. but maybe not so stressful for me.. and that’s probably i had made some changes in my life as a student.. and being a ‘live-more-worry-less’ kinda guy made the tension more bearable..

for this 4th semester.. i chose to be more carefree.. i procrastinate.. i only do my assignments/projects at the last minute before due.. i dont really study for my tests.. every week for the thermo quiz, some of u might have seen me walking from empire to engineering building with notes in my hands.. hahaha.. i only read the notes on my way to the test and not beforehand.. pemalas gila babeng betol..

hmm.. now im on a study break.. and my first exam is 3 weeks from now.. i’m glad.. really.. to be given this long period of time to study.. this time around, i ma try to start early on revision.. my tests were not of great achivements so i better buckle up this time and make it excellent.. but frankly speaking.. i seriusly, absolutely have no high expectations from myself.. and i know i probably be provoked by saying this.. but.. i really dont care.. i just wanna pass the course.. dapat C avrg pon jadi la..

haa.. one more thing.. now i’m a ‘handfonless’ man.. kerosakan melanda HP sony ericson ku yg ku beli di trademe tahun lepas.. but i already won an auction on trademe.. a sony ericson as well.. nzd180.. paid already.. will probably be getting it by next week..

hmm.. ttba cam takde mood.. till next time.. daku nak pi mandi.. later~~

boredom.. the main reason i’m writing again..

and there isnt so much in my head that i can think of right now.. but i ma still write something.. anything..

my body is acheing.. seriusly, like the whole body is in pain.. or maybe what i feel is my body parts are so worn out, due to my first rugby game yesterday..

yup, that’s right.. i played rugby.. one of the things that i thot i will never do in this life.. but i did it.. and it was FARKING GREAT!!

hahaha.. i know this might sound kinda lame to those who’ve been playing rugby for a long time.. but i dont care.. i’m talking about what i feel.. and how it was like for me the first time playing, and not only that.. i scored a try.. DAMN!! syiok habes!!

i cannot describe enough how i have underestimated rugby.. and always thought of it as a “uncivilized” game played by idiots.. hahahaha.. (guess now im one of the idiots)

but i think it’s changed now.. hahaha.. i like rugby and will probably be playing it next time, when asked.. haha..

the game yesterday was actually a farewell game (i hate goodbyes) for the senoirs who are graduating at the end of the year.. and the called it a testimonial game.. or so i heard..

and for my record onlye, the seniors that played in yesterday’s game were pokeh, shahrin, yobbies, and kimi (pardon me if i missed out anyone)..

and after the rugby, i went home, mandi and moved as fast as i could to get ready for another occasion for the evening.. i had this invitation to pakcik key, ‘bro’ zahidi’s open house.. no matter how tired and sakit2 my body was.. i would never miss the free amazing food..hahaha.. there were spageti bolognaise(betul ke eja ni?), crakers and cream cheese, grapes and cheese (as oppose to wine and cheese).. coklet, cakes.. that’s all i think..

hmm.. talking about food.. then there’s another open house that i attended yesterday before i went to the rugby game.. and it wud be infair if i dont mention it here.. an open house held by the IB maracohort2.. the hosts are sho, haziq, hakem, erwan, akagi, to name a few.. and the IB girls too..

hmm.. another thing that i wanna say here.. the day before.. i went o karoke again.. with the 4 sha, and the juniors.. at first we planned to watch max payne on cinema.. but little did i know, we must bring an 18+ card (driving license or ISIC card) to get in the cinema as the movie was rated R16..

i was shocked to hear that.. dont i look old enough for this shit??

hmm.. according to dino, the movie sucked.. and he gives 2.5 star out of five.. maybe it was a good thing we didnt watch the movie.. or else we wud’ve wasted our $15 for a shiity thing..

after karoke, we went to shada’s.. just lepak2.. tgk movie.. we watched SEPI again…. i hate that movie.. the girls said its from the director of CINTA.. so based on that, i thought this sepi movie would be quite as good as cinta (although i dont really like cinta that much).. but i was wrong..

but i dont hate the whole production actually.. i like the scenes in sepi.. the backgrounds.. the baju2.. the pelakon2 yg lawa2.. but the lame and unrealistic story line just outweigh all the good features the movie has.. so that’s that..

after the movie, some of us went to sleep, on the floor.. so did i.. the woke up after subuh.. shada made this nasi goreng and it was very sedap.. and after that, tirah went to uni and i slept in her room.. i repeat.. i slept in her room.. in her bed.. hahaha..

it was almost 12 in the afternoon, only then we made our way back home.. with the sleep deprived, and tiredness.. and it showed on our faces.. except one person.. this amazing superwoman.. hahaha.. she was the only one who did not get any sleep the night before.. ehen everybody else was sleeping.. she was busy playing gitar hiro and and DAMN!! she beat me twice when played face off.. hahaha.. beginners luck kot..

she was supposed to go to work on that day but she didnt.. called in and told her boss she’s not feeling well.. and got the day off.. senang gila nak dapat cuti..

hmm.. i think enough of my rantings for now.. i’m hungry and wanna have my lunch now.. till next time.. chiow!!!

its 1.47am now in auckland.. and instead of sleeping, im sitting here in front of my laptop ranting.. and fair enough.. my rantings are what u’r gonna get (yes u my beloved blog readers)

raya 08.. thats what i had in mind.. thinking that thats the only topic that i can possibly be bothered to write about in this pathetic blog of mine..

erm… i have several emotions or thoughts in mind to describe my feelings about my raya celebration this time around.. but mostly its been wonderful.. successful.. amazing.. great.. and filled with sheer joy and most importantly it is this raya thats bringing everybody closer together.. everyone is frens again and thats freakin awesome..

and also this raya has made me realize how nice it is to have people coming to our open house (although i was only one eleventh of the hosts).. and having them eating our food..

hehehe.. seriusly.. thinking that we did great in hosting such a huge thing.. im really proud of myself..

for those who dont have any idea what im talking about.. its about this open house thingy that my frens and i organised.. last saturday, oct 4th 08..

we invited 140++ people.. (although i only know half of the guests).. and the house was gila babi punya crowded..and panasssss toooo…

the landings aptment can only accomodate 30+ people at a time, so we basically had to group our guests into 5 groups and invited them separately so that rumah tu tak roboh bila tetamu datang..

the 5 groups are the postgrads, BECA, BITCHES wannabe, TESL, KMS-ENGINE.. at the end of the day.. we were like so damn tired.. but I particularly was gila nyer happy and puas hati..

that nite i went to petunia’s farewell dinner.. and i was actually genuinely felt sad at the thought of rafi, akak, musa and other final year lads leaving us.. and it was pokeh who gave a speech representing the graduating students.. and i was moved by his speech.. its true that there are times when i feel like meluat with poke.. and he just loves being dramatic and all.. but his speech that nite was nice and inspiring..

one of the ayats in his speech, if i remember correctly,

“but im sure, the one thing that we will miss the most about auckland is the fact that we are all here”..

from that moment it hit me.. all these while, the times i feel happy and alive are when im with my frens.. my mates.. those crazy weekends.. karaoke.. bowling, hulucating..or just hanging around.. with all kind of games.. charades.. mafia.. hello jack.. black magic la, fuzzy wuzzy la, touch cannot touch, (aku nak mention sumer game jugak) around the world la..

*why am i getting teary eyed tetiba???*

damn!! im so gonna miss all these time cuti nnt.. i cant imagine how sad im gonna be if this is my final year.. *why the hell that im so sensitive..damnit!!*

haaaaiiiihhh… obviously i was digressed wayyyyyy too far from the raya topic..

erm.. continue then..

after the open house that we hosted.. then there were many others that followed.. in fact i went to 3 open houses today (yesterday technically).. nizam’s, tesl’s, and kak tasnim’s.. sure there were great food, many to choose from, very sedap2 ones.. and expectably, my stomach is becoming bunciter and bunciter (what is buncit in english?)..

but i didnt mind though.. coz that makes me happy.. hahaha..

and i am still happy.. this year’s raya is wayyyyyy better than last years at so many aspects…  i cant even begin to describe how great it is this year..

and if tiada aral melintang.. pasha and housemates are hosting one after the semester ends.. so for now.. cool down for a while.. and get ready to be belasahing those food at pasha’s open house nnt..

hmm.. im feeling sleepy now.. fair enough.. its 2.15am now.. i need to sleep la kot..

till next time.. chiow!!!